amongst the sleep deprivation and heartache this week, i found some clarity finally. after a weekend of getting into too much of a unhealthy state, i began to question my own judgements and behavour. the first of a few things that i realised was that some people really do need to be shut out of my life once and for all. i realised this when finally had enough of being treated like a doormat by so called friends. people i've tried to be nothing but polite, nice and more than patient with. it's bad enough being talked down to but when i began to wonder what impact and good these people have on my life, i realised the cons definately outweigh the pros.
the second thing i realised is that i've spent too long trying to make everyone else happy. why should i settle and sacrifice my own happiness because i'm too scared to make anyone else unhappy. it's time to be ruthless. college is back on in september, i have a new job, a lot of savings to travel and now a new phone number.
i hope in time some bridges with those i do care for and have lost in this haze which has been the last 6 months can be rebuilt.
but i'd like to thank lois & max especially for giving me some good advice in the last few days.
Emily Mae
It's good when you finally stop pretending.